


X Days Since Major Off-World Injury

by rougeandtonic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, First Time, Gender or Sex Swap, Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:37:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2391977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rougeandtonic/pseuds/rougeandtonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane never sees these things coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	X Days Since Major Off-World Injury

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 8/7/2008

“Don’t touch that, Colonel! Are you trying to get us all killed?”

“I was just looking, McKay. Geez.” Jane stepped back from the shelf filled with ancient devices.

“Sure you were.” He eyed her suspiciously before turning back to this energy monitor. “Now, the energy spikes we saw outside appear to have been coming from here. They aren’t approaching ZPM levels, but--Colonel!”

Jane glanced up from the sparkly ball that had caught her eye. “I wasn’t going to touch it.”

“You. Over there.” He gestured with his tablet. Jane rolled her eyes but made her way to the open door. “Now. As I was saying, some of these objects here could be quite useful. We’ve only seen maybe a thousandth of what’s covered in the catalog in Atlantis and who’s to say that these devices are even in the catalog. This could be an R&D lab...”

Jane found herself tuning him out. She was exhausted and her shoulders were still aching from being held hostage on ZK3-122 not two days ago. Elizabeth had tried to give her a few days on stand-down, but Rodney had been so excited about finding a possible ancient settlement in the database that she’d insisted that she was good to go.

“We’re going to have to take these all back, of course, so we can compare them to the catalog,” Rodney was saying. She stifled a yawn and leaned against the doorframe and suddenly the ground beneath them trembled violently.

“What’d you do?” Rodney snapped and grabbed the table for purchase as he whirled around to face her.

“What did I do?” she yelled back, fully alert now.

The ground shook more violently, knocking Jane to her knees and sending Rodney to the floor. Ancient devices flew off the shelves and tables, crashing to the ground around them.

“Get out of here!” Jane yelled, making her way over to Rodney through the flying technology. There was a blinding flash of light near Rodney and she blinked several times. “McKay!”

“Where are you?” His voice was high and panicked. A falling shelf cracked her in the shoulder and she shoved it off, half-crawling over to Rodney. He was--he looked... But she didn’t have time to process it now. She grabbed his forearm and pulled him up amidst the shaking.

“Come on!” she yelled.

“Colonel, are you all right?” Teyla’s voice came in through her com.

“We’re on our way out. Hold the entrance!” She tugged Rodney forward and they dodged a falling light fixture. “Faster, McKay!” They stumbled out into the hallway and the shaking grew more violent. She could see the light from the entrance at the top of the stairs ahead.

Jane didn’t stop moving when they got outside. “Run!” she yelled at Teyla and Ronon. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this!”

They were maybe twenty feet away from the bunker entrance when she shoved Rodney to the ground and threw herself on top of him. The bunker exploded behind them in a great ball of fire and dirt. After assuring herself that Teyla and Ronon were all right, she pushed off of Rodney and caught her breath.

“What the hell just happened?” Rodney asked after the ground finally stopped trembling. He was looking at the fiery ruins of the bunker, but Jane, Teyla and Ronon were all looking at him. “What? What is it? Do I have--?” he demanded, and looked down at himself. “Oh god.” And he promptly passed out.

* *

“Come on. I don’t think this qualifies as a major injury,” Jane protested as one of the techs erased the ‘2’ in the ‘2 days since major off-world injury’ sign and replaced it with a zero. “I mean, we didn’t get blown up. That’s what counts.”

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow from beside her. “I think Rodney might disagree.”

Jane sighed, trying not to think about that. “I just don’t see how it’s good for morale when it always says zero.”

“You know, we did make it to ten days once,” Elizabeth said.

Jane remembered that. That had been the week her team had been grounded. She still had the scar from the mission that had ended that record.

“Briefing at two o’clock,” Elizabeth reminded her.

She nodded. “Right. I’m going to go check up on Rodney. Make sure he’s adjusting all right.”

* *

On the way to his quarters, it occurred to Jane to make a stop at the extra uniform supply. She’d seen how he’d struggled to keep his BDU’s up as Teyla had led him out of the infirmary earlier.

Why did these things always have to happen to her team?

She made it to his quarters fifteen minutes later with an armful of clothing.

“Oh thank god,” he said and grabbed the pile of clothes from her. “You have no idea how much I needed these. I tried on everything in my closet.”

She followed him into his quarters and let the door slide shut behind her. He dumped the clothes on the bed and Jane watched as he examined them. It was fascinating. His face was narrower and his features finer. His hair was still short, but it was thicker and blonde. His shoulders were narrower, his arms thinner, and his waist curved in and then out again into, huh, really nice hips.

“Great. Great, this should work.” He picked up one of the BDU’s she’d picked out and turned back to her. “I’m just going to put these on. Stay here, okay?”

“Yeah,” she said. As he passed her on the way to the bathroom, she reached out and touched his shoulder. It was really weird looking down at him. “Hey, are you all right?”

“You mean besides suddenly having an extra X chromosome?”

“Yeah. Besides that,” she said. His eyes at least were the same bright blue.

“What do you think?” he bit out.

“Look, it’s probably temporary. It’ll wear off in a day or two--or even a few hours.” He looked highly doubtful about that. “And if it doesn’t, you and Zelenka’ll figure it out.”

He didn’t say anything, just stood there with her hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s not so bad being a girl. It’s worked for me for 39 years,” she added lamely.

“Right. I’m sure. Well, will you let me--?” he gestured towards the bathroom and she stepped out of his way.

When he came out, Jane surveyed his clothes. She was terrible at telling sizes, but they seemed to fit better.

“You’re not going to tell me how pretty I look as a girl or anything?” he asked.

“No,” she assured him dryly. “No, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.”

“Really?” he said, actually looking a little disappointed.

“What--do you want me to?”

“No, no. I just--” He sent to the mirror over his dresser and examined himself. “But I am blonde now, and I’m a genius. And I have a really nice chest. If I wasn’t me, I’d totally be my type.”

“Way too much information, McKay,” Jane ground out. She glanced back at him. “But about that really nice chest...”

“Yes?” He smoothed his shirt down, watching the mirror with a strange combination of appreciation and horror.

“You really need a bra.”

“Oh. Oh, right.” He frowned at his reflection and then back at her. “Do you have one I can borrow?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “No, of course that wouldn’t work. We’re probably completely different sizes. Do you think Teyla--does she even wear--”

“Look, I’ll take care of it, okay?” she said and tossed him one of his blue-khaki science jackets. “But until then you need to put this on, unless you really want to get ogled by my marines.”

“But they’re going to know it’s me. They’re not going to look,” he protested.

“McKay. You were checking yourself out.” She hit him on the shoulder. “Now, come on, we’ve got to get to the briefing.”

* * 

Rodney’s transformation, unfortunately, didn’t wear off in a few hours or a few days. Jane had scoured the science department for a woman his size and eventually procured him a bra from one of Carson’s assistants.

He seemed to be adjusting relatively well. His acerbity was surprisingly not softened by his feminine features and higher voice; he appeared to be able to berate his scientists (and her marines, and the cafeteria staff) just as effectively. Carson cleared Rodney for duty, shaking his head and saying he couldn’t find anything wrong with him other than the obvious and the usual. The team was scheduled to go off-world on a routine scouting mission the next day, and they quickly found out that Rodney could manage to be just as culturally offensive as a woman, but, luckily, he could also run just as fast.

 

* * *

“How are you holding up?” Jane asked as she joined her team at lunch later that week. “Any progress?”

Rodney gave her an icy glare in between shoveling mashed potato things into his mouth. “Obviously not, as you can very well see.”

“So no luck finding the device that did this in the ancient database?”

“No, Colonel,” he said, clearly annoyed. “I didn’t get a look at it before it fell on me and even if the database was indexed by gender-changing effects, which it’s not, who knows if this was even the intended effect or if it’s even in the database. If it was an R&D lab, the ancients here might not have even known about all the devices down there. And seeing as you blew up the entire bunker--”

“I did not!” Jane exclaimed.

“Someone did, and it certainly wasn’t me.”

“I didn’t touch anything!”

“Well, I think you’re handling this very well,” Teyla cut in smoothly, resting a calming hand on Rodney’s forearm. He looked startled at the praise.

“Oh. Well. Yes, thank you. I suppose I am.”

Jane rolled her eyes, but actually she didn’t know if it was true or not; she hadn’t seen much of Rodney these past few days.

“I actually wanted to offer to train with you,” Teyla was saying. “I think it would help you to get used to the new balance of your body.”

“Thanks, but I don’t think that’s--”

“You should do it, McKay,” Ronon said, spearing a clump of long spindly vegetables with his fork. “Can’t have you more of a liability than usual on missions.”

“Hey--”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Jane added firmly.

“Fine.” Rodney gave her a baleful look. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, some of us actually have real work to do today.”

 

As Rodney left the mess, Jane noticed he was garnering quite a bit of attention. She was surprised. It had been almost a week now; she’d have figured people would have been used to a female Dr. McKay by now. It was hardly the weirdest thing to ever happen around here.

But then she caught sight of Rodney right before he made it out the doorway and saw that wasn’t it at all. “Oh shit,” she said, getting to her feet. “I’ll be right back.”

 

She caught up to him in the hallway. “McKay! You need to get changed.”

“What--?” He stared at her like she was crazy.

“What’s wrong with the BDU’s I got you? And where did you even get these?” She gestured.

“Cadman got them for me. They’re perfectly comfortable,” he said.

“Yeah, I can see that.” Jane silently cursed her lieutenant. “Look, even you can’t be this oblivious. I know you have a mirror in your quarters.”

“What? Does the color not match my shirt? Am I supposed to care about this kind of thing now that I have breasts, because--”

“No,” she said, exasperated, and dragged him further into the corridor, out of earshot of the crowd of people leaving the mess. “Look, girls that look like you can’t wear jeans that look like that, okay?”

“Oh.” His mouth pursed into a thin line. “So this is the other thing that women are supposed to care about then? Look, I’m sorry I’m not perfectly skinny like you, but I don’t see why I can’t wear jeans!”

“Jesus, McKay, that’s not--do I have to spell it out for you?” she asked, wishing like hell she’d just left him at it and never come after him in the first place. “Look, by girls like you I meant girls who have... nice asses, all right? I know you like attention, but unless you want every straight male with eyes on this base staring at you when you walk by, you can’t wear those jeans.”

His eyes widened. “Did you just say you think my ass is hot? Oh my god, Sheppard, you are so Captain Kirk!”

 

* *

 

The first time Rodney had called her Captain Kirk was during the whole Chaya debacle. He’d come up to her in the hall and hissed something about keeping it in her pants, and then they’d argued for a while until Jane finally said out loud, “Why are we whispering? And why is it any business of yours if I want to date--”

“God, Major, shut up!”

“What?”

He glanced around the hallway furtively. “Do you want to get kicked off the mission? Last time I checked you were in the U.S. military...”

“So?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?”

She stared at him for a long moment and then laughed.

“What?”

“Where exactly do you think they’re going to kick me off to? And who’s going to do the kicking? We haven’t even heard from Earth in months!”

“Look, I’m just not prepared to lose the one person around here who actually has a good track record of keeping me alive because she can’t keep her BDU’s fastened!”

She just rolled her eyes and said, “Look. I didn’t make it this far by following the rules, all right?”

 

Rodney didn’t believe her, but she really never saw these things coming. A few months ago, on a visit to one of their more peaceful trading partners, the chieftain's daughter had approached the team with an offering of guar fruits. She’d been young and pretty, with wide eyes and full pink lips. Jane hadn’t realized what was happening until she was being led into a tent and she found those full lips pressed against hers.

After stammering out awkward apologies, and eventually having to let Teyla step in to keep her from irrevocably offending the tribe, she headed back to where her team was seated around the fire. Ronon and Rodney were watching her with amusement and annoyance, respectively.

“Come on,” Rodney complained loudly. “Are all the women in the Pegasus galaxy lesbians? Is this some kind of cosmic joke?”

Teyla pursed her lips disapprovingly. “I think our concepts of sexuality are not as rigid as yours, Rodney. We believe that sexuality is on a continuum...”

“Yes, yes, yes. I am Canadian, you know. I’m not going to argue with that. I’m all for Captain Kirk here getting laid”--which was, given his sometimes outrageous attempts to thwart her, a complete lie--“but, statistically, this is ridiculous! There were two fine specimens of the male half of the species right here and she just ignored us. This happens every single time!”

“Perhaps Colonel Sheppard is simply... charismatic,” Teyla offered.

“Charismatic,” Jane repeated the word with a smirk at Rodney. “I think Teyla’s right.”

Rodney glared back at her and then sighed. “One heterosexual chieftain's daughter. Seriously, that’s all I’m asking for.”

 

Frankly, it wasn’t like the Kirk reference was all that apt. Despite what Rodney seemed to want to believe, she’d slept with three women in almost as many years; hardly anything to write home about (though she rather enjoyed imagining her father’s reaction to that letter).

* * *

All in all, everything seemed to be getting back to normal, so of course Jane soon found herself locked in a small, dank prison cell with Rodney.

“Oh god, I’m so hungry. I feel like I’m going to pass out,” Rodney complained, collapsing back onto the single cot, which he’d promptly claimed.

“It’s been thirty minutes,” Jane pointed out irritably. She was sitting in the opposite corner, trying to ignore the dampness sinking in through her clothes and get comfortable on the stone floor.

“And who knows how long until they feed us.” Rodney jerked upright. “They will feed us, right? They’re not just going to leave us to starve, are they?”

“They’re letting us out in the morning,” Jane reminded him, and then reminded herself that they were lucky about that. Teyla had gotten the priests to commute the usual seven day sentence for defiling a sacred statue to one night. At least one member of her team knew how to pull her weight.

“Hello? Hypoglycemia here.”

Jane rolled her eyes.

“And could this bed be any more uncomfortable?” he continued complaining. “This counts as cruel and unusual torture. Aren’t there conventions against this?”

“At least you have a bed.”

“And why don’t you? What, did they expect us to share?”

“If they did, they clearly didn’t know you well enough.” She eyed the bed speculatively. “Though, now that you mention it, you are smaller now. We might both fit.”

“I don’t think I’m actually that much smaller, just differently--” Jane raised an eyebrow. “No. Don’t you say one word about my ass.”

She bit back a grin. “I kind of like your ass.”

“Yes, I think we’ve already established that, Kirk.” He threw an arm over his face. “God, I hurt all over. My stomach hurts and my back hurts--even my breasts hurt. Why didn’t anyone warn me that breasts would be so painful?”

“Well, they usually only hurt when--oh.” Jane started in realization and then burst into laughter.

“I’m glad my pain is so amusing.”

“No,” she choked out, still laughing, even though, really, it wasn’t funny, it was just...

“What? At least let me in on the joke.”

“PMS,” she finally managed and wiped her eyes free of tears just in time to catch Rodney’s horrified expression.

“I do not have PMS,” he said stiffly.

“I think you do.” She tried to sound a little more sympathetic. “You’ve been a woman for almost three weeks now. It’s perfectly natural.”

“Natural?!” His eyes widened. “You’re not going to start talking about moon cycles and ocean tides now, are you?”

“You know me so well, McKay.” She snickered.

He suddenly bolted upright. “It’s not starting now, is it?”

“Uh, probably not?” Jane really hoped not. “Usually you get a day or two warning.”

“You better be right,” he warned her and sank back down into the cot. He looked miserable. Jane scrambled for a change in topic.

“So, how’s it going with Katie?” she asked.

“What? Why do you care?”

“Just trying to make conversation, Rodney. People do that sometimes when they’re locked in prison cells together all night long.”

“Oh, well, uh. We kind of put it on hold until I get my body back,” he said. “It was weird enough having Cadman along for our first date. It took us almost a year to go out again. The last thing we needed right now was this.” He gestured down at himself, and Jane actually felt bad for him.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Yeah. Well. It probably wasn’t entirely your fault,” he admitted.

Jane walked over to the cot and prodded his shoulder. “Sit up,” she said.

“I’m not sharing the bed,” he argued, but he did sit up. She pushed him over a bit and arranged herself behind him.

“Uh, Colonel, what are you doing?”

“I’m giving you a back rub, McKay. It’ll help with the pain.” She started rubbing his shoulders near his neck, but she couldn’t get good contact over his jacket so she made him take it off. His back was surprisingly narrow, compared to his usual body, and it was still strange to be able to make out the edge of shoulder blades and bra straps under his shirt.

“This, uh, feels good,” he said.

“Mmm.” She worked her way up his neck, and then kneaded down his spine. He groaned appreciatively and the sound made her ache a little. When she’d gotten down to his waist and back up, she settled for a while to work on his upper back.

“What do you guys do when you get it on missions?” he asked out of the blue, but she knew what he was talking about. “I mean, you’ve never mentioned anything, and I’ve never noticed--”

“I don’t know what Teyla does,” Jane said, and realized she’d never thought about it before.

“What about you?” He tried to turn to look at her, but she held him in place. She was busy working on a particularly hard knot halfway down his back.

“I don’t get mine,” she said distractedly. There. She almost had it.

“What? Why don’t you get it?” he asked resentfully and she laughed a little.

“I don’t know. I haven’t had it since we got to Atlantis,” she said, working her way down his lower back.

“What are you? Menopausal?” he demanded.

“Jesus, Rodney, I’m not any older than you.” She frowned at his back. “I think it’s just almost dying every week or so. It’s kind of stressful. Here, lean forward.”

“Aren’t there pills or something to stop it? Injections? You think if we get back tomorrow, Carson can give me something before it starts?” he asked hopefully.

“I think it’s too late for that. Sorry,” she said apologetically and gave his back one last stroke. “There. Feel better?”

“Um. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.” He twisted around to face her. “Do you--I mean, I could--”

“Nah, it’s all right.” She grinned. “I’m pretty tired, though. I think I’m going to go to sleep.”

“Oh. Right. Go ahead.” He made to stand up but she grabbed his arm. “You can have the bed,” he said.

“There is room for two, McKay.” She scooted over to the wall and lay down with her back to him. “Lie down.”

 

* *

Jane stopped by the lab the next day with the last of the contraband chocolate bars she’d smuggled in on the last Daedalus trip for the purpose of bribing Rodney. She’d been saving it for an emergency, but after seeing Rodney made a beeline for Carson as soon as they got back to Atlantis that morning, she supposed this qualified.

She found him at his desk typing furiously.

“Heya, buddy,” she said, and perched on the edge of his desk. “How are you doing?”

He turned slowly towards her. His face was pale and his eyes were very wide and traumatized. “I can’t talk about it,” he said brokenly.

Jane fought back a smile and gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. “Here, maybe this will help,” she said, and pressed the chocolate bar into his hand.

The look he gave her was so grateful she couldn’t help but snicker on the way out.

* *

Jane had known a lot of women in the military who claimed they had to work twice as hard as men to get where they were. She didn’t doubt them. These were women who got up early, slept late, if at all, and did everything by the book so they could beat men at their own game. She figured Elizabeth and Teyla were probably this kind of woman, but Jane was not.

She went with the flow, as long as the flow took her where she wanted to go. And, seeing how she was a damn good pilot and all she really wanted was to fly, this had mostly worked out for her.

She was also a bit of a slacker, an ‘underachiever’, or so the first ten or so years of Air Force performance reviews had informed her. Her commanding officers loved to tell her that she should have been rising much higher and faster through the ranks than she was, but Jane wasn’t so sure about that. This ‘potential’ they spoke of couldn’t be quantified; there was no way to prove its existence.

 

Of course, the tenor of those reviews changed after Afghanistan. There was less talk of ‘potential’ and more of ‘disciplinary action’ and ‘permanent records’.

 

* * *

She found herself in the lab one afternoon helping Rodney activate unknown ancient devices. She was trying not to stare too openly at his backside when he turned away to type something into the computer when a thought suddenly occurred to her.

“Why are you still all female?” she asked.

“Well, because obviously it hasn’t worn off yet,” he snapped and pointed to a round metallic ball. “Pick that up.”

She did. “What I meant was, why haven’t you figured out how to change back yet?”

“Human biology is complicated and it’s really not my field. Are you thinking ‘on’?”

“Yes, I’m thinking ‘on’! This isn’t my first time, you know.”

“Well, it’s not working!”

“Duh!” She rolled her eyes and set the ball down. “And that’s bullshit. You’re a genius. I’ve seen your come up with solutions to way more complex problems than this in half the time.”

He typed something into the laptop and then sighed and turned to meet her eyes. “Look, if I could devote all my time to it, I’m sure I would have my body back by now. But I can’t.”

“Why not? You do want to change back, don’t you?”

“Of course I do! Of course I’d like--but it’s not that important, you get that, right? I’m here because of my mind, and it doesn’t really mattered what the vessel is. This one--” he gestured down at himself. “Works just as well as the last one. I mean, we’re fighting wraith here, and genii, and replicators and do you really think I could live with myself if people die in the next attack because I was too busy trying to get my penis back to bother fixing the shield generators?”

Jane stared at him in surprise.

“That was the last of them. You can go now.”

“Right. Hey, don’t forget about movie night tonight,” she said.

“What movie is it?” he asked suspiciously.

“Um... Ronon wanted something with buses.”

“Oh god. Not Speed again?” He looked pained. She nodded apologetically. “What is with that guy?”

 

* *

Over the past few weeks, Jane had started making sure she was sitting next to him during briefings so she could brush her arm against his when she reached for things (which she found the need to do quite a lot). She kicked him in the shine when she wanted his attention, or to warn him to stop talking, or sometimes just for fun (though she had to moderate herself because he’d started to make complaints about steel-toed boots and bruises). She sat beside him in the mess and stole food from his plate, because he wrinkled his brow when he was irritated and it was kind of cute.

She didn’t know how much more blatant she could be.

 

* * *

Rodney snagged a seat on the couch and Jane claimed the middle next to him. Teyla sat on her other side and Ronon sprawled out on the floor, hogging the popcorn bowl.

By the end of the elevator scene, Jane had slowly inched closer to Rodney, so their thighs were touching. By the time Keanu Reeves got the ransom call, she was leaning a bit into his shoulder. And when Sandra Bullock took the wheel of the bus, she surreptitiously reached down and stroked a finger down his thigh--which was when he yelped and jumped off the couch.

“Problem, McKay?” she asked, irritated that he’d messed up her seduction attempt so publicly.

“Yes!” he exclaimed, his feminine voice high on the edge of panic. Then he looked at Teyla and Ronon watching him curiously and added in a slightly more controlled voice, “I mean--no. I just remembered I left something on in the lab--I forgot, I need to go finish right now. Very urgent.” He practically ran out of the room.

“What’s his problem?” Ronon asked, grabbing a mouthful of popcorn.

“I don’t know. I, uh, should go help him,” Jane said lamely, getting up. “Carry on.”

 

She had to jog to catch up to Rodney. “Hey! Wait up!”

“What part of very urgent did you not understand, Colonel?” he demanded.

“The part where it’s not at all true,” she said, and when he tried to turn away, she caught his shoulder.

“Look!” he said. “You keep touching me. All the time. No--don’t deny it! You touch me and you sit too close and give me back rubs--”

“Is that a problem?” she asked evenly.

“Yes!” he exclaimed.

Oh. Shit. She hadn’t even considered the possibility that her advances were unwelcome. She definitely didn’t have a plan for that, and she knew the right thing to do was apologize and try to smooth things over before he went to Weir with a sexual harassment complaint because he would so do that. But instead, she found herself saying angrily, “Look, I’m sorry I’m not buxom or blonde or a genius physicist, but I hadn’t realized that’d be deal breaker for you!”

He stared back at her, slack-jawed. “What?”

She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Were you... hitting on me?”

She just raised her chin in challenge.

“Oh, wow. Jane, you... you realize I’m not actually a woman, right?”

She gave him her best glare of death.

“Uh, of course you do. So it’s just because of...” He looked down at himself and then back up at her. “I mean, I--I know you said I was hot, but you really--you want--”

“Look,” she said, taking a deep breath. “You can either stop talking and walk away and tomorrow we’ll pretend this never happened. Or you can stop talking and let me kiss you now. But either way--”

“Dr. McKay to the labs.” Zelenka’s voice sounded loudly through the coms. 

Rodney cursed and pressed his earpiece. “What?”

Jane couldn’t hear the reply, but after a few seconds, Rodney snapped, “And this involves me how?” And then, “And why haven’t you incompetent morons tried--” And, “Dammit, Radek. I’ll be right there.”

When he switched off the com and turned back to her, she said, “Go.”

“Yeah, just. Jane--”

“Don’t worry about it. Go.” He gave her one last look before turning away and rushing down the corridor.

Jane banged her head back against the wall.

 

* * *

At the senior staff meeting the next morning, Rodney ran in late wearing the same clothes he’d been in last night. Barely glancing her way, he launched into an explanation of the sudden problems with the energy systems that were draining their ZPM, and why they needed to be fixed urgently. Jane wasn’t really paying attention, though. She was much more interested in how his nipples managed to poke through both the bra and the shirt he was wearing, and how close she’d come last night to touching them.

“And so, in conclusion, that is why we need to shut off all secondary systems until the new naquadah circuits from Dr. Carter get here next week.”

Jane finally raised her eyes from his chest up to his face. He was looking intently at Elizabeth, who shuffled her papers together and said, “If you think it’s necessary, Rodney, then you have my permission. We’ll put all non-essential research projects on hold.”

That wrapped up, they closed the meeting and Rodney dashed out before Jane could catch his eyes.

* *

Jane was reading in bed in a tank top and sweat shorts, on the second paragraph on page 79 of War and Peace, when she heard a knock at the door.

She carefully marked her place and met Rodney halfway into the room.

“I wasn’t sure if I should come, if I--if it was too late...” he was saying. He glanced around her room. “Huh. I’ve never really noticed it before, but Janis Joplin looks kind of creepy in that poster. I can’t believe you sleep with that looking down at you every night--”

“Is that the reason you came here, McKay? To tell me my poster was creepy?” she asked dryly.

“No, I--Last night, you said. I just wanted to--” He was a couple inches shorter than her now, and he was staring at her lips.

“Yeah,” she said, and kissed him.

It was a slow kiss, and soft. His small, feminine hands stroked up and down her sides. Their tongues met, tentatively at first, and then she thrust into his mouth and pulled him in closer. She could feel his breasts pressed against hers, his hips, and, wow. First kisses were usually awkward, and she would have bet a week’s pay--combat pay--that a first kiss with Rodney would be even more awkward than usual, but somehow this wasn’t at all.

Rodney finally pulled back, breathing heavily. “I’m not used to--this body. I don’t understand it at all,” he said. “Is this what it feels like? For women?”

“I don’t know. How does it feel?” she asked, running her hands down to cup his ass.

“It feels like I’m going to die.” His eyes were comically wide, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re not going to die, Rodney,” she said, and gently pushed him back onto the bed. She followed him, lightly straddling his hips, and she kissed him again. “This is good.”

“For you, too? I mean, Is this--?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

 

Kissing led to shirtless kissing, which led to pantsless kissing, which led to Rodney getting off really fast with just her fingers. His whole body arched when he came, and he cried out her name and compared her to all-powerful deities she knew he didn’t believe in. Jane had never been so glad for the dampening effect of Atlantis’ thick walls before.

She let him catch his breath, feeling kind of smug, because that had been easy, and wait until he saw what she could do when she was actually trying to get him off. She started to move down, but he caught her by the arm.

“Hey, let me. I’d really like to...” he said, licking his lips and not finishing that sentence, but that was okay because he was kissing his way down to her breasts and tugging off her panties.

 

She came three times before she tugged him back up. He was looking dazed and slowly licked his lips.

“You taste like lemons,” he said.

“Lemons?” she repeated.

“And oranges.”

“So that’s the theme tonight, huh?” She kissed him, tasting herself. Despite his assertion, it was nothing like citrus. “You know I’m not actually trying to kill you, right?”

“I’m not sure I believe you,” he said, and then pulled away. “What time is it?”

She glanced at the clock. “What? You on a deadline?”

“We’re not actually done re-routing the power,” he said, hopping back into his BDU’s. “We get one system down and another one comes back online. Zelenka just ordered me to go sleep and promised to do horrible things to my coffee if I came back before one.”

“Shouldn’t you actually be sleeping, then?” she asked warily.

“Zelenka’s an idiot. I do my best work when I’m sleep-deprived.”

* *

It was not-turkey sandwiches for lunch that day, Jane’s favorite, and she knew Rodney was going to regret missing them, so when she was done, she grabbed two more and a dish of blue jello and headed for the labs.

Rodney was in mid-sentence, berating a small group of scientists over a white board when she walked in, so she just leaned back against the doorframe and watched.

His voice as higher but acerbic and sarcastic as ever, and it seemed to have the same cowing effect on the scientists as it always did. She’d wondered about that. If the science field was really as chauvinistic as people made it out to be and whether Rodney would have more difficulty commanding respect as a woman. He didn’t appear to, but since they all knew him as a man, she supposed it wasn’t an entirely fair test.

When he was done, Jane sidled up to his desk and set down the tray.

He glanced up at the sound and his eyes widened when he saw her.

“I brought you lunch,” she said. “How’s it going?”

“Terribly,” he said. “The last attempt at rerouting the power was an abysmal failure and now we’re down 7% of the ZPM since last night. We--”

“Rodney,” she interrupted. His eyes widened at the tone in her voice and his expression seemed to be saying ten conflicting things at once. She licked her lips. “Do you have a minute?”

“No,” he said, but he didn’t protest when she grabbed him by the arm and led him out of the labs.

Out in the corridor, she made sure no one was around and then dragged him into the nearest supply closet. Before he could say anything, she pushed him up against the door and kissed him. 

It was wet and hot and, before she knew it, she was grabbing his hips and shoving a thigh between his legs. Somehow all the parts fit together, as if this wasn’t their first time doing this, as if they made out in supply closets regularly.

“Oh god,” he moaned.

“What have you done with this body?” she asked hoarsely, moving her thigh experimentally. “What have you tried?”

“Not much,” he said. “Not enough. God, Jane...”

“I want to show you everything.” She reached up and cupped his breasts through his shirt. They were soft and full and bigger than her hands; he arched into her. “I’m going to start here. I bet your nipples are really sensitive.” She’d never really been one for talking dirty; she’d had lovers who’d asked her for it before and she’d always felt ridiculous and awkward. This was different, though. This was baiting Rodney, and that had always come naturally to her. “Then,” she continued, sliding her hand down to the front of his BDU’s. “I’m going to touch you here. And here. And I’m going to use my tongue. I’m going to lick you until you come--”

“Jane--”

“Have you had a multiple orgasm yet?” She leaned in and kissed him deep and hard, and she twitched her fingers against his cunt. He bucked against her and when she finally drew back, he looked shocked and utterly ruined. He was going to be so much fun.

* *

Jane wasn’t much for cuddling, or staying the night, and, figuring she’d been a good sport by doing both (never mind that waking up with her legs tangled between Rodney’s soft thighs and her hand on his breast wasn’t exactly a hardship), she didn’t feel at all bad by waking up him the next morning with a pinch to his nipple.

“Hmm,” he said blearily, and then-- “What? Where?” He jerked around to face her and then-- “Oh.”

“Hey, buddy,” she said.

He sank back down into the pillow next to her. “I’m sore and raw all over. Is this what it feels like for girls? And my head is killing me. You’re not stashing coffee anywhere in here, are you?”

“That just means you’re well-fucked,” she said, and then frowned. “Except the coffee part. That’s all you. And, no, I’m not hoarding coffee. Who do you think I am?”

He looked like he was about to say something, but then his eyes suddenly widened. “Oh god. Your hair.”

“What about my hair?” she asked dangerously.

“Scarily, it looks actually looks just like I thought it would in the morning. Only--” he gestured “--more so.”

“Okay, that’s it.” She threw the sheets off and began disentangling herself from Rodney.

“Are you kicking me out?” he asked.

“I am going for a run. Ronon’ll be here any minute. You are welcome to stay, but I should warn you, I wasn’t lying about there not being any coffee.”

She quickly threw on her jogging pants and t-shirt. When she turned around Rodney was sorting through his clothes, which were scattered across the floor. He was naked, his hair was rumpled and there were sheet creases down his left side. He looked kind of self-conscious and Jane felt a strange swell of affection.

 

* *

She sat down next to Rodney at the staff meeting that morning and gave him a quick kick to the shin by way of greeting. He glared back at her, but his cheeks were flushed.

* *

“Do you have any idea how many layers of security I have on my door?” Rodney when he finally got back to his quarters.

“I can’t imagine why. You don’t have anything interesting in here, anyways.” Disappointingly, it was true. She’d half-heartedly searched for his mythical stash of coffee, to no avail, and examined all his framed diplomas, but photos of a younger, more male Rodney were only marginally interesting, and when she found she couldn’t crack the security of any of the laptops lying around, she had settled in with a dog-eared physics journal and entertained herself reading the sarcastic annotations he’d scrawled in red in the margins. 

He snatched the journal out of her hands.

“Hey! I was reading that,” she protested, standing up.

“Were you? Hmm.” He paged through the journal. “Applications of Roubellaird’s principal to entropic theory?”

“Seems a little far-fetched. They don’t even take into account the effect of M particle theory on their findings.” Rodney stared at her and she grinned. “What? So, maybe I’ve been hanging around the labs too much lately.”

He muttered something about wasted minds and the military and tossed the journal aside.

* *

Jane wondered sometimes if she might have been a scientist in a different lifetime. She gave Rodney a hard time for it every time he called her down to the labs to turn something on, but she wandered down there often enough by herself, anyways. She liked it down there, enjoyed the process of discovery. And some of the ancient artifacts were just plain cool.

She might have liked the work, but she was smart enough to know she would have been nowhere near smart enough to land a spot on this expedition. The Atlantis scientists, even the ones at the very bottom of the totem pole, the ones whose names Rodney didn’t bother learning unless he was yelling at them to bring him coffee, were still some of the best and brightest in their fields. And the ones at the top of the totem pole? They were shifting their entire perception of the universe, sometimes on a daily basis.

She couldn’t help but wonder about the Jane Sheppard from Rod’s dimension, who headed up MENSA and hit people over the head with her intelligence. Was she that much smart than Jane, really, or was that just simply who Jane would have become if she hadn’t learned early on how to fit in and play dumb?

She would have pressed Rod for more information about the other Jane Sheppard, but she’d found him disconcerting. There were times she’d caught him looking at her and he was almost leering. She hadn’t liked the way that expression had looked on Rodney’s face.

* * *

She caught Rodney in the hall deep in conversation with Katie Brown. It looked uncomfortable, in the way that Rodney could make almost any conversation with an attractive woman uncomfortable.

“McKay. Dr. Brown,” she said.

He jumped. “Oh! Hello, Colonel.”

“Mission in fifteen.” She glanced pointedly down at him. “Don’t you need to get suited up?”

“Oh, uh, right.”

She turned to Katie. “How’s it going, Doctor? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you around.” She gave her a smile that was probably a bit too fierce.

“I’m fine, Colonel. Though I have to admit we’re all a little bored this week without any power for our research.”

“Right, right. Sorry about that. We really didn’t have a choice,” Rodney explained in a rush.

“No, no. I completely understand. You have the whole city to think about. It’s just that we lost some new seedlings that needed the growing lights--”

“Seedlings? I’m really sorry about that...”

Jane rolled her eyes and clapped Rodney hard on the shoulder. “Fifteen minutes, McKay. Don’t be late.”

 

* *

The Galtarians were a simple, peaceful people and trade negotiations went quite well, right up until the time they sold their whereabouts to the Eddarians, a more advanced and not quite so peaceful people who dragged them through the stargate and locked them up until they were willing to reveal the whereabouts of Dr. McKay.

“Hello? I’ve been trying to tell you. I’m Dr. McKay!” Rodney shouted from behind the rusty bars of their cell.

“This is impossible.” Their head captor, a military man with a blue beret, shook his head. “The Genii told us Dr. McKay fixed their shielding and assisted them with their weapons.”

“Yes, I did. That was me!” Rodney insisted, and Jane jammed an elbow into his ribs.

“Shut up,” she hissed. Ronon was pacing behind them dangerously. “We don’t even know what they want with you.”

“Look, they obviously want something fixed, and our chances of survival go way up if I can get to the other side of these bars,” Rodney hissed back.

“Why do you not believe this is Dr. McKay?” Teyla asked out loud.

The man laughed. “I just said, Dr. McKay fixed their shields and weapons. Do you take us for fools who think a woman could do such a job? The idea that she could even begin to understand the sciences of mathematics and engineering--”

“Hey, I’ll have you know, there is no reason a woman couldn’t comprehend anything a man can!” Rodney argued. “There is no biological factor that makes women in any way inferior mentally!”

Jane raised an eyebrow. The feminist reaction was impressive, though it would have been moreso if she hadn’t heard Rodney argue the opposite points two months ago in an impromptu performance review that had made Miko cry.

“Look,” Jane said finally. “This really is Dr. McKay. If you need something done, perhaps we can come to some kind of agreement.”

Their captor looked indecisive. “Stay here,” he told the guards. “I’ll go report the matter and see what the Lord Protector has to say.”

 

Thirty minutes or so later and no sign of their captor returning, Ronon clearly decided he’d done enough intimidating stalking and baring his teeth at the guards and it was time to make conversation.

“So, McKay, I saw you and Katie in the hall this morning,” he said.

“What? So?” Rodney snapped, visibly stiffening. Jane stood up and paced to the bars.

“Just saying,” he said. Jane could hear the amusement in his voice.

“Look, she just wanted to talk, so we talked,” Rodney said defensively. “I didn’t realize it would be such a cause for concern.”

“No concern,” Ronon said calmly.

“So, are you back together then?” Jane asked, keeping her voice very even as she stared out at the guards.

There was a long silence and then finally: “What the hell? Do you really think I would--”

She turned around slowly and raised an eyebrow at him. “No! Of course we’re not back together!”

“Rodney.” Teyla put a quelling hand on his arm. “It’s all right. We just want to see you with someone who makes you happy.”

“Oh. Oh, right,” he said in a somewhat calmer voice, clearly just now remembering that Teyla and Ronon were in the cell with them. He sank back down to the floor. “Look, she wanted to, it was just. It wasn’t right. It didn’t work out.”

“Don’t worry, McKay. There’s someone out there for everyone,” Ronon said and everyone in the room turned to him in surprise.

“What a romantic notion, Ronon,” Teyla said finally. “If only we could all find that person.”

“And convince them,” Rodney added glumly. Jane rolled her eyes, thinking of Rodney’s persistent and utterly failed attempts to convince Samantha Carter.

“No,” Ronon said seriously. “The problem is keeping them.”

* *

Their captor--Officer Jamison, as he introduced himself--finally returned. Letting a woman touch the circuitry was against his better judgement, he said, but the Genii had spoken so highly of Dr. McKay’s talents that he was going to let ‘her’ prove herself. But one mistake--

“Yeah, yeah. Horrible, painful death for everyone involved,” Rodney finished as the guards led him out of the room. “As if you people even have the knowledge to comprehend my mistakes.”

 

Several hours later, the guards returned, dragging Rodney in by his upper arms. They shoved him back into the cell.

“Did they bring any food?” was the first thing he asked.

“Sorry, Rodney, we haven’t yet received any food,” Teyla said apologetically.

“Hey!” Rodney yelled through the bars. “You’re going to have to feed us, you know! I don’t do my best work in hypoglycemic shock!”

“What did they do to you?” Ronon asked and something in his voice caught Jane’s attention.

“They’re just stupid, misogynistic excuses for human beings,” Rodney said, as Jane turned him around to examine him.

“They hit you,” she said grimly. In the dim light of the cell, she could make out the beginnings of a black eye and skin split open over his cheekbone.

“It’s fine,” he said, then stopped. “No, it’s not fine. It hurts like hell every time I blink and it’s only going to get worse, and I’ll probably have a scar--but that’s besides the point, because I have a plan. And, also, you’re hurting me.”

“Sorry.” Jane released her grip on his shoulders.

Rodney explained the plan. He’d managed to fix their city’s main water-power generator, but they had a lot more work for him to do. The next time they took him out, he thought he’d figured out a way to simultaneously overload the power conduits at several locations throughout the city, which would have the same effect as several bombs going off. In the ensuing confusion, Rodney would escape and come back for them.

“No,” Jane said firmly.

“What? No? I suppose you’ve got a better plan.”

“We’ll wait for Atlantis to send a rescue team. We’ve missed several check-ins by now--”

“If you think they’ll be able to find the address we got gated to sometime in this century, you clearly haven’t met my science team,” Rodney said. “If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life in here, we have to go with my plan.”

“Your plan involves you going back out there for them to beat you again and god knows what else.” Jane looked around at Teyla and Ronon for support. “Look, next time they come in to get you, we’ll overpower them. They only sent two guards this time--”

“Two guards with machine guns!” he said. “And we’re in a prison, Colonel. There are at least five more heavily armed guards just outside in the hallway. No. My plan is better.”

 

Jane didn’t like it one bit, but somehow he’d managed to get her assent. Before he was taken the next time, she hissed at him, “Just remember, you’re a woman now. You can kick him in the balls.”

He gave her a withering look and said, “Do you really think I wouldn’t do that as a man?” But she could hear the fear beneath his bravado.

 

The three of them waited edgily as time passed, and then finally the building shook with one explosion, then another. Then another. They heard sirens begin wailing in the distance and muffled shouts and the sound of running boots boots throughout the building. Jane waited, tensed. Her heart was pounding and she could feel adrenaline surging in her veins, but she couldn’t do anything until Rodney got back and got them out.

Finally, after several more explosions, the hall doors burst inwards and Rodney rushed at their cage wielding a large bronze key.

“It took me too long to find this,” he explained breathlessly as he jiggled the lock. “And we’ve been made. I locked Jamison back in the control room, but I didn’t have time to disable all the systems. He’s going to get out and he knows we’re behind this. We have to hurry.”

 

They made it out of the prison and onto the chaotic streets. There were two more explosions as they ran in the direction of the gate, just outside the city.

They were almost there when they heard, “Stop! Or I’ll shoot!” and found Officer Jamison standing alone, training a gun on them.

“You really don’t want to do this,” Jane said, stepping forward.

“Stop! Get back!” he yelled, pointing the gun solely at her, just where she wanted it. She grinned and launched herself at him. A shot rang out but she didn’t spare the second to see where it had gone. She knocked the gun out of his hands and scrambled for it on the ground. he started to run away, but she shot him in the back.

He fell, and she squeezed the trigger again. And then again, because Rodney had looked so horrible and scared and this man did that to him. She shot until the cartridge was empty and for some reason, one of her legs gave out and she stumbled to the ground.

“Sheppard, you idiot!” she heard.

“He deserved it,” Ronon said somewhere behind her.

“That’s beside the point, she could have been killed!” Rodney was still berating her as he and Teyla helped her stand.

“Come on, Jane,” Teyla said. “We have to get to the gate. Hurry.”

Ronon had their backs and, with one arm around each of their shoulders, Jane limped through the gate.

 

* *

Jane never should have ended up on Atlantis. Everyone knew she was only there for her gene. Sumner had tolerated her--barely--and then she’d had to kill him. Bates routinely questioned her authority and even Elizabeth hadn’t seemed thrilled when she assumed command.

The worst part was, she didn’t blame them. She was a pilot whose sole brush with combat had resulted in a black mark on her record and an exile to Antarctica.

But she was the ranking military officer. It was her duty.

She hadn’t realized just how unqualified she’d been, however, until Kolya’s men had taken over the city and he’d announced that Elizabeth was dead and Rodney was next. It was something out of her nightmares. It was utter failure. Even when she’d eventually managed to get the upper hand and it had turned out not to be true, she couldn’t shake the knowledge of her failure.

From then on, everything had to be different. Protecting Elizabeth and Rodney had been her responsibility and she wasn’t going to be the weakest link in the chain again. She wasn’t going to let anyone’s life be on her head because she wasn’t quick or fast or strong enough; because she was never supposed to have been in combat; because she wasn’t a man.

She’d always passed the Air Force physicals with ease, but doing a few push-ups didn’t give her much in a fight. She started sparring with Teyla and never missed a session. She went on long, punishing runs and spent hours at the range working on her already damn good shooting.

When Ronon joined the team, he was exactly what she needed to keep her from getting soft: he was twice her size, the fights weren’t fair but he never pulled his punches.

* * *

“We were up to seven days this time,” Elizabeth announced, coming up to Jane’s bed in the infirmary.

“This wasn’t a major injury!” Jane protested, trying not to cringe as Carson adjusted the wrappings on her thigh.

“You were shot!” Rodney exclaimed from the chair by her bed, where he was holding an ice pack to his swollen face.

“In the leg!”

“Oh, this reckless disregard for your own safety is just so typical of you--”

“I was trying to save your sorry asses!” Jane seethed. “Would you rather our friend Jamison had shot you?”

“Maybe!” he yelled back, and then quickly fell silent.

Carson gave him an odd look and then shook his head. “Well, I’d rather I wasn’t stitching up bullet wounds for any of you. And, Jane, this is a serious injury and I expect you to treat it as such. You’re lucky the bullet only grazed the side of your thigh, or you’d be in surgery right now. As it is, you’re still going to be on crutches for at least the next three weeks.”

“Yes, doctor,” she said, a little sulkily.

“Now, perhaps one of you could help escort the Colonel back to her quarters so she can get some rest?” Carson looked between Elizabeth and Rodney.

“I’ll be fine,” Jane protested.

“I’ll do it,” Rodney said quickly.

“Good,” Elizabeth said, and gave Jane a tight smile. “I’ve scheduled the briefing for tomorrow morning at ten. Consider yourself under orders to rest until then, understood?”

“Understood.” Jane sighed.

 

“I don’t actually need an escort,” Jane said irritably. It was slow-going on the crutches as it was, and having Rodney hovering at her side wasn’t improving her mood. “Go to the mess or something. Shouldn’t you be in hypoglycemic shock by now?”

“Probably,” he said, oddly unruffled.

When they finally got to her door and he still wasn’t showing any signs of leaving her alone, she snapped, “You can go now, McKay. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly in any condition to put out tonight.”

Something dark flashed in his eyes and his lips thinned. “You do get that I’m not just some guy--girl--whatever that you’re fucking, right? I’m actually your friend.”

Jane opened her mouth to respond to that and then thought the better of it. “Fine,” she said. Rodney followed her in to her quarters, and she heard the door slide shut behind him.

She hobbled over to her bed, dropped the crutches on the floor, and collapsed on her back. She was pretty sure she couldn’t have made it any further if she’d tried. Her thigh was throbbing and she was utterly exhausted.

“Hey.” Rodney was there beside her. “Can I help you with anything? Get you anything? I could help you get changed...”

Jane glanced down at the infirmary scrubs she was wearing. They were sweaty and kind of gross, but she was nowhere near willing to move to change out of them.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“Okay, then, do you have any food in here?”

She looked at him. “Great timing, McKay. If you’re hungry, I’m sure you can find something to eat in your own quarters.”

“Look, Carson gave me this to give to you.” Rodney pulled a big white pill out of his pocket. “But you have to eat something first.”

“Give it to me,” she ordered him and held out her hand.

“Uh-uh. Not so you can just throw it up.”

“McKay,” she said in her steeliest command voice, but unfortunately it worked about as well on him this time as it usually did. “Look, not all of us have delicate stomachs, okay? It’ll be fine.”

“I’m just going to the mess, I’ll pick you something up and I’ll be right back, ok?”

 

“Give me the pill,” she demanded as soon as he stepped into the room. The throbbing in her thigh had kept her awake until he came back, and it was only getting worse.

“Uh-uh. Not until you eat this.” He held out a bowl and Jane grimaced, but shifted into a sitting position. 

When he didn’t hand it over right away, she said, “I’m perfectly capable of feeding myself, McKay.”

“Yes. Of course. Right.” He gave her the bowl and a spoon. “It’s, uh, pudding. As you can see. I thought it’d be the easiest thing to eat. They didn’t have any butterscotch left after lunch, so it’s just vanilla...”

“It’s fine, Rodney.” She was already halfway through. When she finished, she looked pointedly at him and he handed her a glass of water and the pill.

She swallowed it, laid back down on the pillow and closed her eyes.

“Carson said it would take a few minutes to kick in,” he said.

“Yes, thank you, I have taken pain meds before.” She rubbed her eyes and it was quiet for so long, she wondered if she’d missed Rodney leaving, but then he spoke again, in a different tone of voice.

“Look, Jane, I get that you think I’m kind of a jerk.” Jesus, was this was going to be a conversation she had to pay attention to? She rubbed her eyes. “And I understand why you think that,” he was saying. “I mean, we’ve spent a lot of time together over the years. A lot of long missions and puddle jumper rides, and I know I talk a lot, and I tend to say everything I’m thinking. But just because I never stop talking, it doesn’t mean that everything I end up saying is what I really mean. I’m not a jerk. Not really.”

Jane looked at his face, narrow and pretty under the swelling, and tried to imagine him as he really was: broader face, broader shoulders, thinner and darker hair. She couldn’t do it. She could remember the pieces but she couldn’t put the whole picture together. She could see his naked blue eyes, though. She was pretty sure they were still the same.

He was clearly waiting for a response, so she said, “Yeah. Okay.” And then, “I’m tired.”

“Right. The medicine’s probably kicking in now. You should sleep.” He paused, and then leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead.

She grabbed his arm before he could move away and tugged him back down to kiss him on the lips. “You could stay,” she offered.

 

* * *

 

Jane woke up the next morning feeling stiff and groggy, with a steadily worsening pain in her left thigh. She shifted experimentally and instantly regretted it when the pain flared. Rodney was curved into her side, with a hand on her stomach and his face buried in her neck. He mumbled something, half-waking up.

“You look like shit,” she told him when she could see his face. The swelling had gone down overnight, leaving his skin a mess of spectacular reds and blues.

He blinked and regained enough coherence to glare at her. “I could say that same to you,” he said.

She didn’t doubt that was true, but she grumbled, “At least I’m not purple.”

He visibly rolled his eyes as she got out of bed. She swung her legs over the side and was met with a screaming pain in her thigh. Shit. “Hey, you got any more of those big white pills?” she asked hopefully.

“The debriefing’s in an hour,” he said, which wasn’t a ‘no’, but before she could press him on it, he disappeared into her bathroom. She heard rummaging sounds and, after a minute, an ‘aha’!

He came out and pressed a bottle of ibuprofen into one hand and a glass of water into the other. She swallowed a handful of pills and said, “Man, I really need a shower.” She was still in those horrible scrubs and she could feel the sweat of prison and pain all over her.

“I could, uh, help you with that,” Rodney offered hesitantly.

“I think I’m capable of showering on my own,” she said irritably, but she actually wasn’t sure if that was true. She looked him up and down and then, pretending it was more about how hot he looked standing there in a t-shirt and panties (and she did not want to know where he’d gotten those) than that she was having doubts about her ability to stand, she said, “But you could join me. If you want.”

 

He helped her balance against the wall and carefully soaped her all over. He was especially meticulous about her breasts and between her thighs, and she closed her eyes, appreciating the feeling of arousal battling against the pain. She was pretty sure she still wasn’t in any condition to get off like this, but the distraction was nice.

She curled one hand through his wet hair in the hot stream of the shower and kissed him deeply, all tongue and sensation. She gripped his waist with her other hand for balance.

When they finally broke the kiss, she said, “You are hot, even when you’re not pretty.”

“Your sweet talk leaves a little to be desired,” he complained. She grinned and he rolled his eyes. “Come on.”

He switched off the shower and grabbed a towel to dry them off. Then he helped her back into the bedroom and into her clothes.

“I have to go get some clean clothes on,” he said.

“You can borrow mine,” she said, for some reason reluctantly to let him leave.

He gave her a look that said he was clearly wondering just how many pills she’d taken earlier. “You’re kidding, right?” he asked. “You do realize that not all of us here are as skinny as teenage boys.”

“Oh. Right,” she said, and looked him up and down, eyeing the swell of his hips. “Thank god for that.”

“I’ll come back,” he said. “Help you get to the briefing.”

Before she could tell him it wasn’t necessary, that she was perfectly capable to getting to the transporter on her own, he was already out the door.

* *

Things were different in the days after that. The mocking and teasing and sexual bravado that Jane had used on him the past few weeks faded away as this thing between them became more affectionate, more comfortable and, somehow, still hotter. When they stole away into supply closets during the day, she didn’t bait and tease him until he came; instead they made out until they were both desperate and shaking. Jane found herself in Rodney’s bed, or him in hers, every night. Instead of kicking Rodney in the shin during staff meetings, Jane found herself rubbing her foot up his calf.

He never touched her in public, but when she slung an arm over his shoulders or patted his thigh, he’d subtly lean into her touch.

* *

They were waiting in the dock for the Daedalus to arrive. “It should be here by now,” Rodney said, rolling up and down impatiently on his heels. “You know when we get Sam’s circuits, we’ll be able to adapt them to the way the ZPMs are wired to the city and our power output will increase exponentially. It’s kind of genius, really, though don’t tell her I said that.”

Jane rolled her eyes. It was all anyone in the science department had been talking about for days, mostly, she suspected, because power was still cut from almost all the projects until then.

“Do you think she’s heard about my being, uh, changed?” Rodney was still talking. “I didn’t mention anything in my last communications. I wonder if things might be weird between us, I mean, I always sensed that there was a certain chemistry and--”

“Shut up, Rodney,” Jane said, because wasn’t in the mood for this. She’d cut back on the pain meds and left her crutches in her quarters this morning. Her leg was throbbing.

* *

Rodney was the most awkward man she knew around women. At first, she had felt bad for him and cringed whenever his eyes got all wide and he started rambling on and on and just wouldn’t shut up. But, in time, she started to find it amusing.

The thing was, he wasn’t aggressive about it like a lot of the military guys she knew. He wasn’t overconfident like Rod, either. He was just utterly out of his depth and trying so hard anyways. Jane wondered why more women didn’t find it refreshing.

Of course, she didn’t know firsthand because she’d never been on the receiving end of the McKay charm. The first few times they’d interacted, they’d either been on the verge of major discovery or under threat of imminent death. By the time things had calmed down, they had settled into a routine of insults (on his part), saving his life (on her part) and activating ancient devices (also mostly her part). Either that had been the key to skipping the awkward flirting stage, or she just hadn’t been his type to begin with.

Either way, he and Teyla and Ford had been the first people on Atlantis to believe she could do her job, and Rodney, for all the things he complained about, had never complained about being led off-world by a woman.

* *

A wild-eyed Zelenka caught her in the mess the next morning and begged her to come do something about Rodney. He hadn’t come to her quarters last night, so she’d already figured something was up. Apparently, power had been restored to all the sections of the city they’d had to cut off a couple weeks ago, but now Rodney had had an idea to increase the efficiency of the circuits even more and he wasn’t allowing any of the scientists to leave the labs until they got it working.

When she got down to the labs, she found the scientists in a frenzy. Based on the dark circles under their eyes, the general state of their clothing and the sheer number of empty coffee mugs lying around, she figured Zelenka hadn’t been exaggerating.

Rodney was hunched over a computer, arguing loudly with the small crowd of scientists behind him.

“Hey, buddy, how’s it going?” Jane asked, coming up in front of them.

“Hello, Colonel.” Simpson looked far too thrilled to see her.

“Jane.” Rodney took her in, his eyes wide, and then he snapped his attention back to the screen. “No, see this. This is why everything you just said isn’t going to work--”

Jane idly picked a stray artifact up off his desk and turned it over in her hands. It suddenly glowed a bright blue.

“Hey, put that down!” Rodney exclaimed, yanking it out of her hands. “God, I can’t take you anywhere. Don’t you have military things to do? Guns to shoot? Stuff to blow up?”

“Nope.” She grinned and turned to Simpson. “Can I borrow Dr. McKay for a few minutes?”

“Please do,” Simpson said grateful, and the other scientists all nodded fervently.

“Hey! No! You cannot borrow me,” he protested as she grabbed him by the shoulder and steered him out of the lab. “Do you have any idea what’s going to happen here if I leave the room?”

“Everyone will go to bed?” Jane said.

“Exactly!”

“I’m not seeing a downside there. This isn’t a crisis, Rodney.” She led him out into the hall. “And it’s just a matter of time before someone complains to Elizabeth about the work hours.”

“If they want fourteen hour workdays, I’ll happily send them back to Earth,” he said darkly.

She opened the door to their regular supply closet and pushed him inside.

“Who put you up to this?” he demanded. “Was it Radek? I bet it was. That squirrelly little Czech bastard.”

“Yes, Radek asked me to lock you in a supply closet and do obscene things until you forgot your own name.” She licked a trail down his neck and felt him shudder under her. He was hyped up on caffeine and adrenaline and she tasted the moist sheen of sweat on his skin.

“I knew it,” he said unhappily and then-- “Wait. Obscene things? What obscene things?”

 

* *

 

It might have been Jane’s imagination, but it seemed like Carson was rewrapping the bandages around her thigh with less care than he normally used.

“Where are your crutches?” he asked.

“I didn’t need them this morning,” she said with a shrug.

“Jane, I told you to use them for three weeks.”

“I’m a fast healer,” she said defensively.

“Not that fast,” he said darkly, and then shook his head. “Well, I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about something. Have you noticed anything odd with Rodney lately?”

“Besides his still being a woman? No, nothing odd,” she said sarcastically. “And about that, why is he still a woman? I can’t believe there weren’t any clues in the ancient database and even if there weren’t, you’re a geneticist! Can’t you figure something out?”

“I have. Actually, that’s why I was asking you about Rodney. Zelenka and I discovered how to change him back over a week ago.”

“You... did?” she said slowly. “So why haven’t you done it?”

Carson shook his head. “Rodney said he wasn’t ready yet. I must admit, I can’t pretend to understand. I thought he’d be thrilled to return to his old self.”

“Yeah. Thrilled.” Her chest felt tight. “You’d think.”

* * *

“Hey, Colonel!” Lorne caught up to her after she’d left the infirmary.

“What is it, Major?” she asked, pushing thoughts of Rodney to the back of her mind. “This isn’t about those expedition reports, is it? Because I told you--”

“No, it’s not about the reports. I actually wanted to ask you a favor.”

“A favor?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Remember how Dr. Weir said she’d throw a party when we broke the off-world injury record?”

“Yeah, so?” They reached the mess hall and Lorne got in line behind her.

“I think it’d be good for the men; everyone’s been pushing hard lately. We’re at nine days now. We only have to make it to eleven.”

“It’s two days, Major. We’ll probably make it.” She picked up a plate of lemon chicken.

“Yes, probably. But I noticed that SGA-1 was running a mission this Thursday. I thought maybe you’d want to push it back a day or two...”

“What?” Jane halted in the middle of taking the last lime jello. “There are three other teams running missions this week. Why do you think my team’s going to stop us from setting the record? Didn’t you read the briefing? They’re just peaceful farmers.”

Lorne just looked back at her.

“Tava bean farmers!” she said. “What do you think’s going to happen?”

He still didn’t look like he was going to budge.

“Fine,” she said grudgingly.

“Thank you, Colonel.” He smiled. “I think everyone’s going to appreciate this.”

Jane nodded a bit sarcastically and added an orange to her tray. Lorne eyed her food selection with a frown but didn’t say anything.

* *

She wasn’t in the mood to eat, anyways, and after a few bites, she put away her tray and went down to the labs. Sure enough, Rodney was at his desk, typing away and happily shouting things at Radek, who was looking less enthused to be there during dinner hour.

“Come with me, McKay,” she said.

He jerked up, his blue eyes widening. “Colonel, what is it--”

She was already walking out the door. She didn’t need to look back to know he’d follow. When she got to the supply closet, she yanked him inside and pushed him against the door.

“Jane, what--”

She didn’t say anything, just kissed him hard. She shoved her right thigh between his legs and pinched one of his nipples. He said, “Fuck!” and banged his head back. She had to struggle to stay balanced on her left leg. Pain was shooting up her thigh. She bit his lip too hard and tasted blood on her tongue.

She was gripping his shoulders tight enough to bruise, and kissing him hard and merciless as he bucked up against her.

 

Afterwards, she said, quietly, “I just saw Carson.”

She watched him until his eyes widened and he knew that she knew.

“Jane--” he started.

“Do it,” she ordered him.

He opened his mouth, but he didn’t argue.

* *

Jane learned a long time ago how to live without. As she had gotten older, her apartments had gotten more and more spare, until she found herself leaving for another galaxy with nothing more than an old poster and a few CD’s. She hadn’t said ‘I love you’ since she was twenty-two and her longest relationship in seventeen years had been those months in the time warp with Teer. She wasn’t even sure she could count that, not when she had woken up every morning still hoping that day would be the day her team found her. 

* *

The next morning found Ronon kicking Jane’s ass more than usual in the training room when the notice about the three wraith darts came over the com.

She sprinted to the control room but froze when she got inside, because Rodney was there. And Rodney was Rodney. He was arguing loudly with Elizabeth and Zelenka over by the *radio*. He was taller, and his blue shirt stretched over his shoulders the way it always used to, and when he finally turned and faced her, he snapped back into place in her mind.

They didn’t know if any hiveships were in telepathic range of the darts so shooting them down with drones or puddle jumpers--even cloaked--might give away the existence of the city. They explained that the cloak over the city was holding, but they couldn’t get it to extend over the mainland, where the darts appeared to be heading. They’d be at the Athosian camp in minutes.

“We have a dart,” Jane said. “They’ll think it’s just one of the other hives.”

“No,” Rodney said. “It’s too risky. We haven’t fully integrated the interface and have very little understanding of how it even works--”

“I’ve flown it before,” Jane argued.

“Still, one dart against three?” Elizabeth said. “Those are hardly good odds.”

“We’ll get some cloaked jumpers in the air, but they’ll only fire if it’s absolutely necessary,” Jane countered. Elizabeth stared at her for a long moment and then nodded tightly.

As Jane left to head to the jumper bay, Teyla touched her shoulder and said, “Thank you, Jane.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Jane said, and tried to ignore the expression in Rodney’s wide eyes as he watched her leave.

 

* *

The second year on Atlantis had started a lot more smoothly. By the time the new contingent of marines had landed, they’d all heard stories of her heroic exploits: how she’d closed the gate on sixty men to save the city and flew a nuclear bomb into a hiveship. Along with, of course, very exaggerated tales of her sexual conquests. She’d somehow required an almost mythical reputation of this badass space explorer and her authority was rarely questioned, even, as far as she could tell, behind her back.

Sometimes, she’d catch herself in the mirror in her black BDU’s, TAC vest, spiky hair and well-muscled arms, and she could almost buy into her own reputation. Almost believe she knew what she was doing and was actually qualified for this shit.

Other times, when her team was held hostage or the Genii were invading or the wraith got another one of their men, she was terrified that anyone who looked at her would realize that she’d actually been making it all up all along.

* * *

The inside of the dart was creepy, part-organic, slimy and filled with fetid air. The prospect of flying blind again was scary, but there wasn’t time to waste getting reoriented. Over the coms, Elizabeth informed her that the darts were just a few miles away from the Athosian settlement.

As soon as the hatch opened, Jane fired the dart up out of the jumper bay and accelerated full speed to the mainland. Lorne got on the com and informed her that he and two other pilots were following her, cloaked.

She spotted a dart on the console. It was low over the mainland, and just as a notice flashed that it had switched on the transporter beam, she fired off a volley of shots.

Thus began a game of cat and mouse, where Jane would turn, fire, and then spin away. She managed to shoot one dart down and lead the other two high into the atmosphere.

Crossing out of the stratosphere was rocky as hell without the puddle jumpers’ inertial dampeners. A pocket of turbulence threw her off and she took a hit in the wing. She managed to spin around she shot back at the dart head-on.

Two down.

She was having trouble steering. The third dart started a steep dive and she followed it back down into the atmosphere, bracing herself hard as the shaking grew violent. She turned sharp and barely avoided the next shots.

“Colonel, we have a lock on the target,” Lorne’s voice crackled in her ear.

“Hold it,” she gritted out. “I almost got it.”

And then she had it. She took another sharp turn and sent a volley straight into the other dart.

“You got them, Colonel!” Lorne said.

“Good job,” came Elizabeth’s voice.

“Yeah, that was... oh shit.”

“Colonel, you’re descending too quickly,” Rodney’s voice came over the com.

The force was pushing her back into the seat hard, and she watched the altitude numbers on her screen go down way too fast.

“Colonel, pull up,” Lorne said.

She was pulling as hard as she could, but it wasn’t slowing down.

“Colonel?” Elizabeth’s voice.

“I think the throttle was damaged in the hit I took,” Jane said, her voice sounding unnaturally calm to her ears. “It’s not responding.”

“You’re coming in hard over water,” Rodney’s voice again, quick and panicked.

“Yeah, I’m thinking. I--”

“Jane, this isn’t a puddle jumper; the dart won’t survive the impact.”

Jane tried to adjust the pitch and swerved hard to the right, and then the left, desperately attempting to slow down the dive. Based on the altitude readings, she knew that if she’d had a window, she’d have been seeing the ocean rising up to meet her.

“Jane.” Elizabeth’s voice.

She banked to the right to angle the wings and somehow, finally, her dive evened out, and the altitude started rising. She let out a long breath.

“Jane.” Elizabeth again. “Do you read?”

She thought, suddenly, that there hadn’t actually ever been a fall she hadn’t survived.

“Yeah, I read.” She heard the exclamations on the other end of the radio and turned the dart back toward Atlantis. “I’m headed home.”

 

There was a small crowd waiting for her when she finally made it back to the control room.

“No major injuries,” she announced, though she was still shaking from the adrenaline. “Though I didn’t go off-world, so it’s not like it would have counted.”

“Well, technically, you did leave atmosphere,” Zelenka pointed out. Jane saw Lorne shoot him a quelling look and he quickly added, “But, yes, no injuries. That’s the important thing.”

“Indeed. In fact, I believe our party’s beginning in just a few hours. Why don’t you get some rest before then, Colonel?” Elizabeth smiled.

Carson said some words about wanting to check her out first, and Jane tried to catch Rodney’s eye before she left but he was busy studying something at a console.

“Come along, Colonel,” Carson said, leading her out.

 

* *

The “11 days without major off-world injury” party was in full swing by the time she arrived. Lorne waved her over to the buffet table, and she hopped over on her crutches. Carson had insisted she use them again, and tonight she actually found she didn’t mind. Her thigh did hurt a lot less when she didn’t put any weight on it.

“That was some impressive flying today, Colonel,” Lorne said and handed her a cold beer.

“Thanks, Major.” She took a long, appreciative drink and glanced around the mess hall. It was good timing for a party, really. Their stores had just been replenished by the Daedalus and the buffet table was impressive.

She spotted Rodney in conversation--okay, argument, probably, judging by the impressive gesturing--with Radek and Simpson. Elizabeth must have come up and noticed her attention, because Jane heard her voice from beside her.

“It’s good to see Rodney back to normal. I must say he dealt impressively well with the whole ordeal.”

“Yeah,” Lorne agreed. “If it’d been me, I don’t know how I would’ve handled it.”

“Me either,” Jane agreed emphatically, thinking that if she’d been standing closer to him, the falling artifact might have landed on her instead. Of course, if she’d been turned into a man, she was pretty sure there wouldn’t have been the opportunity to mess things up so badly between them.

She set her beer down and picked up her crutches. “Excuse me. I’m going to go see how he’s holding up.”

* *

A few weeks after Doranda, when Rodney’s arrogance had resulted in the destruction of three-fourths of a solar system and almost gotten them both killed, Elizabeth had called her into her office to advice on whether to allow one of Rodney’s new projects to go on. Without thinking about it, Jane had replied, “I trust him.”

She hadn’t known it until she said it, and the realization sunk over her like a cold panic. She still trusted him. She’d never stopped. And if he came to her with another unlikely scheme, eager and bright and confident, she realized she wouldn’t say no.

She didn’t speak to Rodney for a week after that, and seriously considered taking him off her team.

* * *

He must have seen her coming from across the mess hall, because by the time she made it to Zelenka and Simpson, he was nowhere to be found. Zelenka thought he’d gone out the corridor to the left, so she headed in that direction.

She caught sight of him a couple turns later down the hallway, heading towards the labs. She had no desire to try to outpace him with crutches, so she called out: “Hey, McKay, your ass is still really hot.”

She cringed. That was not what she’d meant to say.

“Thank you for announcing that to half of Atlantis,” he said, turning around stiffly. “And has that line ever worked?”

“Once.” She shrugged and he turned to walk away. “Hey! Give me a break, ok? I’d rather not have to chase you through any more corridors. These crutches suck.”

“I thought you were off the crutches,” he said, but he turned and walked back towards her.

“Carson bribed me with some pretty white pills,” she said. She took a deep breath and said, “Look, I’m sorry. It was a shitty thing to do. When you were, you know, I could pretend that--”

“That it wasn’t me,” he said coldly. “That I was just some pretty blonde girl--”

“No!”

He just looked at her for a long moment and shook his head in resignation. “I get it, Jane. I do. You’re not interested in men. In me. I knew that from the beginning.”

“But--”

“I just don’t get why you had to choose me, when you could have had any woman on this base. In this galaxy, probably. I didn’t even--I mean, you’re not even my type and you have stupid hair and you go around doing dumb things to get yourself killed. I never thought, never imagined that--but now it’s all I think about.”

She watched him for a long moment and then said, “It was when you asked me to throw you off the balcony.”

“What was?”

“When I saw this coming.”

His eyes widened. “But that was two years ago.”

“Yeah,” she said. “When you were a woman, it was easy. But I think it’s time I stop being such a fucking coward.”

She dropped her crutches and kissed him. He stood there frozen at first, but then he leaned down and gripped her head in place. He was suddenly kissing her back, warm and frantic. Her heart was pounding and this was terrifying and so, so real. This was the Rodney McKay she’d pushed off that balcony, the one she’d been playing Atlantis Civilization with for the past two years; the guy she argued with all through movie nights and bribed with chocolate, and teased and beat up sometimes in the gym. The guy who ate too fast to ever be polite, and boasted about his intelligence at least one a day, and couldn’t even open his mouth without insulting someone, somewhere. This was the guy who hadn’t been all that brave but had faced down Wraith for her anyways. The guy who fucked up but had always had her back anyways.

She slid her hands under his shirt, up his sides and broad back, and he made a soft moaning sound into her mouth. She wondered if he’d be as responsive to her touch now, if doing anything to his nipples would still drive him crazy. She couldn’t wait to find out.

“Come on.” She tugged him down the hall.

“Wait,” he said. She turned back around slowly, hoping he wasn’t suddenly coming to his senses.

But what he said was: “My quarters are closer.”

* * *

At twelve days, they set the off-world injury record back to zero. It turned out that the Tava bean farmers had an irrational sensitivity about their ‘sacred ground’ and surprisingly sharp spears.


End file.
